A chain of events yesterday(22nd April) has had me thinking on lines which I had done some previous thinking but I guess since it was crystallized yesterday or I just think that because I was fascinated enough by it to blog(which takes a lot of effort from my lazy being). I guess much great minds then mine have dwelt on the subject and have writtten much greater things but I would like to have my say too for all it is worth.
I had a day yesterday when I met friends from Pagalguy after the results debacle and there was talk about the results and so on. And at that moment of time my reactions were perfectly normal and I would say they were pretty good actually. I was the same old casual person, a bit hopeful, a bit down but pretty much ok with life.
As I look at it even now I think that is what my reaction to this whole phase is.
However as I was travelling back by the bus after a lot of walking and an unsuccessful time with autowallahs who didn't want to come in the direction in which I had to go. As I was standing in the bus I was thinking if the reaction I had was the one which is truly me.
I think I know myself pretty well but yesterday I was left to ponder who is it that I know. I guess I rarely have let my instincts have a full go so I don't know who I really am. But then again what if my very instinct is to think. I guess it is something which is appreciated by most people but I am not that way because of people, it is basically the way that I am.
However the struggle to identify if the self on display and the self that you know is the same is not of the same magnitude as the one to figure out if the present self is the true self. I guess it would be even more difficult in case a person with an almost uniform self(by uniform I mean here someone whose private and public personalities don't differ much). The question which I guess would be the sum of all my doubts would be the one which has been put as 'what do children do if there is absolutely no contact with human society?' Would they still be exhibiting behaviourial tendencies of the parents? I guess atleast the walking posture could be similar at some point of time.
So am I back to making the cliched statement that I am a total of loads of things which went into my making: my family, education(yeah right!), books(a major part), faith and ofcourse friends! But then again the way choose friends when we are kids now fascinates me. How did I choose a particular set of friends in my 5th/6th class? I probably could have chosen anyone but even at that early stage we chose each other without any prompting and that has in a major way shaped me.
I guess if we think about these questions we will have some interesting answers.
However towards the end of my post I will again have to make mention of the fact that each person is moulded in a different way and if you care to reflect on the process you find it truly beautiful!
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
A wee little bit about happiness???
This is probably going to be the most random of all my random postings on the blog since I am blogging this for no other reason but the fact that I stumbled on to the create post page and decided that I might as well do some writing(yeah right). So this is going to be one painful read(especially since I am some one who prefers not to eat to having to fix something for myself(meaning I am very lazy) and then I am considered a foodie by all the people who know me). The randomness might be getting to you already since you would fail to connect all that was written between the words predicting randomness and its confirmation.
Well, here goes.
I guess I am happy now. But what does that mean? How can I be happy? Is it just happiness or something more which allows me to be cheerful inspite of the circumstances. At times I feel that 'pursuit of happiness ' as an ideal is hyped and not actually as meaningful as happiness is something which is quite temporary. By very definition happiness is just about the moment. However, I guess it is the right word for our age which is about the 'instant'. Not that I am saying that it is a bad thing but it hides a lot of more meaningful things. I believe in living in the present but then for the present to have meaning the past and the future should make a contribution too.
So I find that being filled with joy is more important than just being happy at any moment of time. It allows you to have a much greater fulfillment. The way I see joy is something which is not dependent on circumstances while happiness is.
So why is happiness more sought after rather than joy? There are a number of reasons(but if look at it even more closely it is just one thing) but for the purpose of making this readable I would not like to state them here. I guess it is something which one can figure out for oneself if one is willing to spend the time thinking about it and make what is in my opinion a very worthy investment of time.
By this time you can probably figure that while I might have recovered to a great extent from the shocks of last week, I still am going be scarred for sometime now. However, I find there is a lot to rejoice about in life.
By the way, I have got loads of spare time on my hand and if anyone is willing to talk meaningfully about these things and anything else, I would be most willing to oblige you. Some might think that I am begging and if thats what you think so be it.
Well, here goes.
I guess I am happy now. But what does that mean? How can I be happy? Is it just happiness or something more which allows me to be cheerful inspite of the circumstances. At times I feel that 'pursuit of happiness ' as an ideal is hyped and not actually as meaningful as happiness is something which is quite temporary. By very definition happiness is just about the moment. However, I guess it is the right word for our age which is about the 'instant'. Not that I am saying that it is a bad thing but it hides a lot of more meaningful things. I believe in living in the present but then for the present to have meaning the past and the future should make a contribution too.
So I find that being filled with joy is more important than just being happy at any moment of time. It allows you to have a much greater fulfillment. The way I see joy is something which is not dependent on circumstances while happiness is.
So why is happiness more sought after rather than joy? There are a number of reasons(but if look at it even more closely it is just one thing) but for the purpose of making this readable I would not like to state them here. I guess it is something which one can figure out for oneself if one is willing to spend the time thinking about it and make what is in my opinion a very worthy investment of time.
By this time you can probably figure that while I might have recovered to a great extent from the shocks of last week, I still am going be scarred for sometime now. However, I find there is a lot to rejoice about in life.
By the way, I have got loads of spare time on my hand and if anyone is willing to talk meaningfully about these things and anything else, I would be most willing to oblige you. Some might think that I am begging and if thats what you think so be it.
The worst time of my life???
I recovered from the worst day of my life within 2 days and have cheered up to a great extent.
I have been given the kick by the IIMs(well almost). I am waitlisted 211 at Lucknow and I have not been numbered but waitlisted at Indore(Indore is another story altogether with me coming to know that I am waitlisted there only on Sunday. They had a major(rather minor) goof-up by confusing the mm and dd columns)
Well Wednesday, 12th April is officially now the worst day of my life so far. And exactly 8 years ago,1998 that is, I got baptised.
Well, I was expected to take it lightly and carry on but then I required some time to mourn. I find it rather strange that while a person who got a seat is supposed to party and be happy, someone who fails is supposed to take ti on the chin and move on as if nothing has happened. That was the logic which I gave to people who tried to cheer me up. I actually think that it was good for me that I didn't act normal(I think I have to be a different person to be able to do that). My aunt however said that someone is as mature as you are shouldn't be taking things this way and she got the same response.
But again as I look at it, the very fact that I consider this to be the worst part of my life probably means that I haven't been through much in life and that I am pretty raw and protected. I wish it wasn't like that bu thtat infact is the truth. So once again I learn that I am one lucky person.
A few observations about my self during that time which probably everyone goes through. I didn't want to talk to people but I wanted to talk to just a few persons. It is the sort of time when a shoulder around the arm is more appropriate than the words of wisdom(I admit that they are true0
Well, coming to why I was rejected? Maybe i was a bit too casual for their liking or maybe they didn't like my face(I don't blame them if thats the reason)
However there is still hope for me!
I have been given the kick by the IIMs(well almost). I am waitlisted 211 at Lucknow and I have not been numbered but waitlisted at Indore(Indore is another story altogether with me coming to know that I am waitlisted there only on Sunday. They had a major(rather minor) goof-up by confusing the mm and dd columns)
Well Wednesday, 12th April is officially now the worst day of my life so far. And exactly 8 years ago,1998 that is, I got baptised.
Well, I was expected to take it lightly and carry on but then I required some time to mourn. I find it rather strange that while a person who got a seat is supposed to party and be happy, someone who fails is supposed to take ti on the chin and move on as if nothing has happened. That was the logic which I gave to people who tried to cheer me up. I actually think that it was good for me that I didn't act normal(I think I have to be a different person to be able to do that). My aunt however said that someone is as mature as you are shouldn't be taking things this way and she got the same response.
But again as I look at it, the very fact that I consider this to be the worst part of my life probably means that I haven't been through much in life and that I am pretty raw and protected. I wish it wasn't like that bu thtat infact is the truth. So once again I learn that I am one lucky person.
A few observations about my self during that time which probably everyone goes through. I didn't want to talk to people but I wanted to talk to just a few persons. It is the sort of time when a shoulder around the arm is more appropriate than the words of wisdom(I admit that they are true0
Well, coming to why I was rejected? Maybe i was a bit too casual for their liking or maybe they didn't like my face(I don't blame them if thats the reason)
However there is still hope for me!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Waiting,,... Reservation... and a few more thoughts
This is post is more a sort of marker, something I want to look back at later and laugh at myself and wonder how I could be such a wreck. So people say that the results will be out tomorrow and I have been trying to avoid anything and everything which amounts to speculation but I can't help being human inspite of myself(whatever that means).
So am I nervous? Nothing to be doubted there but what do I think I will do if things go wrong? Is it really that significant? Considering that this was supposed to be a trial run I haven't done that bad but then the significance grows because of what I have put into it emotionally(no i haven't prepared a lot but a lot of thinking took place) and what I gave up at the work place(I had loads of fun and did no work). So while I could go on living but the days would be longer and life would seem miserable.
And a few other things which have occupied my mind of late...
The reservation issue which has had me thinking more seriously. Ideally speaking I am against reservations in any form. Unfortunately the country we are living in is not in the ideal state.
So reservation do have somethings going in their favour in my mind at this point of time. The reactions of those opposed to the reservations does get revolting(but then so is that of people who support reservations).
I was chatting with someone about this and he made a few interesting points but one was pretty radical while others were something which have to be thought of while discussing reservation.
First, the poor condition of primary education in rural India. Infact there is this huge gap in the quality of education. We can always point to success stories of people who overcame the odds but the fact there is that they overcame the odds and success(or whatever you call it) didn't come to them on a platter as it does to most of us who study in English medium schools and for whome the emphasis at home is on education rather trying to make ends meet. That in itself is a major disadvantage. What does this have to do with caste? While there are people from the generally more affluent castes(since I don't care for the very notion of caste I refuse to use the phrase 'upper castes') who are poor but consider this: the poor Brahmin has a better chance of doing well because of the cultural advantage he has at home and the shaping of the genes and habits over the generations. While I hate the stereotyping, one has to admit that it is the truth and habits which are passed on for 3000 years can't be overcome so easily. So while I believe that the all the poor who are good enough to persue education should be funded to a certain extent, when it comes to reservations only a really good primary eucation system can help a kid from the disadvantaged section overcome the disavantages. But we are not prepared to bear the cost which is required both economically and in a sense socially. There were people who had been dedicated to teaching in the villages but unfortunately the tense I used is the past. It isn't as if the education system anywhere in the country is in great shape but those who attend private schools have a definite advantage.
So, can we really help put primary & secondary education aroudn the country on the same scale? There can never be no, but we lack the will because we already can manage and are not affected. The reservation issue just enrages and provides an outlet for the various frustrations we have in life.
It is also interesting that those who are against reservation are not against coaching which gives an advantage to those with money.(I beleve as an evil coaching comes just below reservation but unfortunately I have been guilty of taking it too but I moan maybe because I didn't benefit much from it). Life would be very interesting without all the coaching classes and instiutes(yeah life and the results too).
There is a lot one can say aginst reservation which you must have read 'n' number of times and also there is much which can be written for it and the hypocrisy of those protesting against it.
One solution which the person I was chatting to proposed and the one which is radical but effective solution(and which won't be implemented) is Inter-caste marriages being actively encouraged. Not the ones between Brahmins and well-off Christians or between Punjabis and Malyalis but something more drastic. The benefits are there but the response that this suggestion gets inpublic would be one of the reasons which the proponents of reservation have got going in their favour.
Enough said on that front ...
There was another interesting conversation I had with a friend which has made me think about the direction I am taking in life but also ponder about how many close friends can one have?How many people can I care for? I guess I am having a problem there because the love that I give has been more of a leaking one in most cases rather than the overflowing variety. There are loads of things to set right in life(none that seem apparent but they are the kind only I can know)...
and to close I don't know how tomorrow will go but I am hoping and praying for that whatever is best for me happens and that I will be able to deal with it whatever it maybe.....
So am I nervous? Nothing to be doubted there but what do I think I will do if things go wrong? Is it really that significant? Considering that this was supposed to be a trial run I haven't done that bad but then the significance grows because of what I have put into it emotionally(no i haven't prepared a lot but a lot of thinking took place) and what I gave up at the work place(I had loads of fun and did no work). So while I could go on living but the days would be longer and life would seem miserable.
And a few other things which have occupied my mind of late...
The reservation issue which has had me thinking more seriously. Ideally speaking I am against reservations in any form. Unfortunately the country we are living in is not in the ideal state.
So reservation do have somethings going in their favour in my mind at this point of time. The reactions of those opposed to the reservations does get revolting(but then so is that of people who support reservations).
I was chatting with someone about this and he made a few interesting points but one was pretty radical while others were something which have to be thought of while discussing reservation.
First, the poor condition of primary education in rural India. Infact there is this huge gap in the quality of education. We can always point to success stories of people who overcame the odds but the fact there is that they overcame the odds and success(or whatever you call it) didn't come to them on a platter as it does to most of us who study in English medium schools and for whome the emphasis at home is on education rather trying to make ends meet. That in itself is a major disadvantage. What does this have to do with caste? While there are people from the generally more affluent castes(since I don't care for the very notion of caste I refuse to use the phrase 'upper castes') who are poor but consider this: the poor Brahmin has a better chance of doing well because of the cultural advantage he has at home and the shaping of the genes and habits over the generations. While I hate the stereotyping, one has to admit that it is the truth and habits which are passed on for 3000 years can't be overcome so easily. So while I believe that the all the poor who are good enough to persue education should be funded to a certain extent, when it comes to reservations only a really good primary eucation system can help a kid from the disadvantaged section overcome the disavantages. But we are not prepared to bear the cost which is required both economically and in a sense socially. There were people who had been dedicated to teaching in the villages but unfortunately the tense I used is the past. It isn't as if the education system anywhere in the country is in great shape but those who attend private schools have a definite advantage.
So, can we really help put primary & secondary education aroudn the country on the same scale? There can never be no, but we lack the will because we already can manage and are not affected. The reservation issue just enrages and provides an outlet for the various frustrations we have in life.
It is also interesting that those who are against reservation are not against coaching which gives an advantage to those with money.(I beleve as an evil coaching comes just below reservation but unfortunately I have been guilty of taking it too but I moan maybe because I didn't benefit much from it). Life would be very interesting without all the coaching classes and instiutes(yeah life and the results too).
There is a lot one can say aginst reservation which you must have read 'n' number of times and also there is much which can be written for it and the hypocrisy of those protesting against it.
One solution which the person I was chatting to proposed and the one which is radical but effective solution(and which won't be implemented) is Inter-caste marriages being actively encouraged. Not the ones between Brahmins and well-off Christians or between Punjabis and Malyalis but something more drastic. The benefits are there but the response that this suggestion gets inpublic would be one of the reasons which the proponents of reservation have got going in their favour.
Enough said on that front ...
There was another interesting conversation I had with a friend which has made me think about the direction I am taking in life but also ponder about how many close friends can one have?How many people can I care for? I guess I am having a problem there because the love that I give has been more of a leaking one in most cases rather than the overflowing variety. There are loads of things to set right in life(none that seem apparent but they are the kind only I can know)...
and to close I don't know how tomorrow will go but I am hoping and praying for that whatever is best for me happens and that I will be able to deal with it whatever it maybe.....
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Finally my IIM-K experience!
It has been sometime since I have posted and I still haven't recovered fully from the loss of my IIM-K post which I foolishly lost due to my laziness.(how lazy can one get? Failing to copy and paste before hitting the button is abysmal but unfortunately this the way I am). So I wasn't going to post that experience till the time someone actually told me that there are people who want to read my experience. So I am making the effort again but last time it was real long but I doubt if it will be anywhere near that length this time around. So here goes.
the venue was IIM-B again and by this time I knew the route better than the autowallas. The time given to me was 2 :00 pm(on the 21st of March) and I reach the place around 1:15pm. I went to the CPP block and in a short time we had the verification of our certificates.
There were 9 participants in our panel and then there were 2 who were supposed to evaluate us.
The seating was a bit odd and we didn't have access to the table to write(not that I write). Then we were given the topic , 'Indian economy is over-regulated and under-governed'.
I was quiet and didn't talk as much as I could have(but there were people who talked even less than I did) and everyone in general didn't have much to talk as we seemed to bottom out on the knowledge front. But inspite of that there were people hogging the discussion and there were instants of different individuals talking at the same time.
It lasted for 10 minutes and we were out.
One of the profs tried to crack a joke as we went out.
The interviews started and those who went in and came out asked the next person in the queue to go in after 60 seconds or 1 minute(eh). I was 7th and till I my turn came they seemed to be happy to carry on with routine. However, I was made to wait for around 15 to 20 minutes with them shoeing me the palm, indicating that I should wait around 3-4 times. By the time one of them came to call me in I was like 'finally!'
Till now the average time inside was 14 minutes and I go in at 4:05pm.
And here is how it went.
P1: Why were you maintaining a low profile in the GD?
Me: Sir, I made a few points and also listening is as important and i like to listen so the I learn.
P2: Even as a manager you will only listen?
Me: I will listen but form my own opinion and when the need arises I will talk
P1: So let us see how strong you are in your academics especially quantitative skills.
I smile rather grin
P1: What are your areas which are your strengths?
Me: sir, I got a 100/100 in probability in engineering exams ..
P1(interrupts and in a mock putting together of hands in the namskar position as if he is asking me to relieve him from his troubles): I am asking for your strengths now and you are giving me history ..
Me: sir, the very fact that I mentioned that would indicate that I think those are my strengths and I would like to be asked about that.
P1: asks a few questions, asks me to draw a some curve and tries to act frustrated and asks on which axis probability is shown and as I explain he refuses to listen and finally say that you are confusing me.
P2: so what about differential calculus. Can you solve any problem?
Me: while I do not particularly consider it a strong point, I think given some time I can solve the problem
P2: ok, we will believe you on that one
P2: You said(wrote in the application form) you are not very hard-working, why?
Me: SO far, I didn't have to work rally hard for anything, rather I haven't felt the need.
P2: So your academics are a reflection of that?
Me: Not only that, my handwriting was bad, in the form it is much better
(P1, P2 laugh)
P1: yes, I saw you struggling to draw a curve
P2: So you are working?
Me; yes sir
P2: tell us about the company
Me: blah ...
P2: your work
Me: I used to do something but now I am not doing any work
P1: What you are getting paid without working ? How?
Me: I asked and they accepted
P2 & P1 (looking at eachother and laughing) : get us also a job in your company
P2: so what were your favourite subjects in college
Me: Data structures
A few questions about bread-first and depth-first searches, binary tree and so on
Me: I also like Artificial Intelligence
P2: why did you say also?
Me: sir, it must have come out that way since not many people in the class understood and I taught most of them informally that is
P2: and you say you are not hard-working
Me: I think I can put in a lot more effort
P1: Hobbies, extra circular activities
Me: I enjoy reading books and follow football
P2: what do you mean ' follow football'?
Me: I watch a lot on TV and even read websites
P2: what do you read?
Me: anything I can lay my hands, of late I am reading ..., PG Wodehouse is a favourite and I started off my reading with the Bible
This started off a 5 minutes discussion with P1 trying to argue arbitrarily.
Then they were done with me and said thank you and I stood up
P2: Good luck
P1: what other calls do you have?
Me: sir, I have all calls from all the IIMs other than Bangalore
P1: why didn't bangalore call you?
Me: I don't know for sure
P1: what you don't have any idea? Just like that you left it?
Me: on analyzing ithink it might be because my academics aren't great or the distribution of my score in CAT is a bit skewed
P1: thank you
P2: thank you
me: thank you
I walk out with my file, jumping since my interview season is over.
Then 2 days later my mother finds out that my interview-data form came back with my original and we had to send it by courier(or post or whatever I am not sure)
the venue was IIM-B again and by this time I knew the route better than the autowallas. The time given to me was 2 :00 pm(on the 21st of March) and I reach the place around 1:15pm. I went to the CPP block and in a short time we had the verification of our certificates.
There were 9 participants in our panel and then there were 2 who were supposed to evaluate us.
The seating was a bit odd and we didn't have access to the table to write(not that I write). Then we were given the topic , 'Indian economy is over-regulated and under-governed'.
I was quiet and didn't talk as much as I could have(but there were people who talked even less than I did) and everyone in general didn't have much to talk as we seemed to bottom out on the knowledge front. But inspite of that there were people hogging the discussion and there were instants of different individuals talking at the same time.
It lasted for 10 minutes and we were out.
One of the profs tried to crack a joke as we went out.
The interviews started and those who went in and came out asked the next person in the queue to go in after 60 seconds or 1 minute(eh). I was 7th and till I my turn came they seemed to be happy to carry on with routine. However, I was made to wait for around 15 to 20 minutes with them shoeing me the palm, indicating that I should wait around 3-4 times. By the time one of them came to call me in I was like 'finally!'
Till now the average time inside was 14 minutes and I go in at 4:05pm.
And here is how it went.
P1: Why were you maintaining a low profile in the GD?
Me: Sir, I made a few points and also listening is as important and i like to listen so the I learn.
P2: Even as a manager you will only listen?
Me: I will listen but form my own opinion and when the need arises I will talk
P1: So let us see how strong you are in your academics especially quantitative skills.
I smile rather grin
P1: What are your areas which are your strengths?
Me: sir, I got a 100/100 in probability in engineering exams ..
P1(interrupts and in a mock putting together of hands in the namskar position as if he is asking me to relieve him from his troubles): I am asking for your strengths now and you are giving me history ..
Me: sir, the very fact that I mentioned that would indicate that I think those are my strengths and I would like to be asked about that.
P1: asks a few questions, asks me to draw a some curve and tries to act frustrated and asks on which axis probability is shown and as I explain he refuses to listen and finally say that you are confusing me.
P2: so what about differential calculus. Can you solve any problem?
Me: while I do not particularly consider it a strong point, I think given some time I can solve the problem
P2: ok, we will believe you on that one
P2: You said(wrote in the application form) you are not very hard-working, why?
Me: SO far, I didn't have to work rally hard for anything, rather I haven't felt the need.
P2: So your academics are a reflection of that?
Me: Not only that, my handwriting was bad, in the form it is much better
(P1, P2 laugh)
P1: yes, I saw you struggling to draw a curve
P2: So you are working?
Me; yes sir
P2: tell us about the company
Me: blah ...
P2: your work
Me: I used to do something but now I am not doing any work
P1: What you are getting paid without working ? How?
Me: I asked and they accepted
P2 & P1 (looking at eachother and laughing) : get us also a job in your company
P2: so what were your favourite subjects in college
Me: Data structures
A few questions about bread-first and depth-first searches, binary tree and so on
Me: I also like Artificial Intelligence
P2: why did you say also?
Me: sir, it must have come out that way since not many people in the class understood and I taught most of them informally that is
P2: and you say you are not hard-working
Me: I think I can put in a lot more effort
P1: Hobbies, extra circular activities
Me: I enjoy reading books and follow football
P2: what do you mean ' follow football'?
Me: I watch a lot on TV and even read websites
P2: what do you read?
Me: anything I can lay my hands, of late I am reading ..., PG Wodehouse is a favourite and I started off my reading with the Bible
This started off a 5 minutes discussion with P1 trying to argue arbitrarily.
Then they were done with me and said thank you and I stood up
P2: Good luck
P1: what other calls do you have?
Me: sir, I have all calls from all the IIMs other than Bangalore
P1: why didn't bangalore call you?
Me: I don't know for sure
P1: what you don't have any idea? Just like that you left it?
Me: on analyzing ithink it might be because my academics aren't great or the distribution of my score in CAT is a bit skewed
P1: thank you
P2: thank you
me: thank you
I walk out with my file, jumping since my interview season is over.
Then 2 days later my mother finds out that my interview-data form came back with my original and we had to send it by courier(or post or whatever I am not sure)
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