Waiting,,... Reservation... and a few more thoughts

This is post is more a sort of marker, something I want to look back at later and laugh at myself and wonder how I could be such a wreck. So people say that the results will be out tomorrow and I have been trying to avoid anything and everything which amounts to speculation but I can't help being human inspite of myself(whatever that means).
So am I nervous? Nothing to be doubted there but what do I think I will do if things go wrong? Is it really that significant? Considering that this was supposed to be a trial run I haven't done that bad but then the significance grows because of what I have put into it emotionally(no i haven't prepared a lot but a lot of thinking took place) and what I gave up at the work place(I had loads of fun and did no work). So while I could go on living but the days would be longer and life would seem miserable.

And a few other things which have occupied my mind of late...

The reservation issue which has had me thinking more seriously. Ideally speaking I am against reservations in any form. Unfortunately the country we are living in is not in the ideal state.
So reservation do have somethings going in their favour in my mind at this point of time. The reactions of those opposed to the reservations does get revolting(but then so is that of people who support reservations).
I was chatting with someone about this and he made a few interesting points but one was pretty radical while others were something which have to be thought of while discussing reservation.
First, the poor condition of primary education in rural India. Infact there is this huge gap in the quality of education. We can always point to success stories of people who overcame the odds but the fact there is that they overcame the odds and success(or whatever you call it) didn't come to them on a platter as it does to most of us who study in English medium schools and for whome the emphasis at home is on education rather trying to make ends meet. That in itself is a major disadvantage. What does this have to do with caste? While there are people from the generally more affluent castes(since I don't care for the very notion of caste I refuse to use the phrase 'upper castes') who are poor but consider this: the poor Brahmin has a better chance of doing well because of the cultural advantage he has at home and the shaping of the genes and habits over the generations. While I hate the stereotyping, one has to admit that it is the truth and habits which are passed on for 3000 years can't be overcome so easily. So while I believe that the all the poor who are good enough to persue education should be funded to a certain extent, when it comes to reservations only a really good primary eucation system can help a kid from the disadvantaged section overcome the disavantages. But we are not prepared to bear the cost which is required both economically and in a sense socially. There were people who had been dedicated to teaching in the villages but unfortunately the tense I used is the past. It isn't as if the education system anywhere in the country is in great shape but those who attend private schools have a definite advantage.
So, can we really help put primary & secondary education aroudn the country on the same scale? There can never be no, but we lack the will because we already can manage and are not affected. The reservation issue just enrages and provides an outlet for the various frustrations we have in life.
It is also interesting that those who are against reservation are not against coaching which gives an advantage to those with money.(I beleve as an evil coaching comes just below reservation but unfortunately I have been guilty of taking it too but I moan maybe because I didn't benefit much from it). Life would be very interesting without all the coaching classes and instiutes(yeah life and the results too).
There is a lot one can say aginst reservation which you must have read 'n' number of times and also there is much which can be written for it and the hypocrisy of those protesting against it.
One solution which the person I was chatting to proposed and the one which is radical but effective solution(and which won't be implemented) is Inter-caste marriages being actively encouraged. Not the ones between Brahmins and well-off Christians or between Punjabis and Malyalis but something more drastic. The benefits are there but the response that this suggestion gets inpublic would be one of the reasons which the proponents of reservation have got going in their favour.

Enough said on that front ...

There was another interesting conversation I had with a friend which has made me think about the direction I am taking in life but also ponder about how many close friends can one have?How many people can I care for? I guess I am having a problem there because the love that I give has been more of a leaking one in most cases rather than the overflowing variety. There are loads of things to set right in life(none that seem apparent but they are the kind only I can know)...

and to close I don't know how tomorrow will go but I am hoping and praying for that whatever is best for me happens and that I will be able to deal with it whatever it maybe.....